THE CHALLENGE
Amidst change of every kind, while being impacted by force at work for which we have little or no control, and juggling more responsibilities in our daily lives than ever before, we are challenged to foster a healthy and nurturing family life. We can choose values, behaviors and activities that will contribute to the overall health, well-being and happiness of our family. It can be done.
“Life is
difficult”, we can add that life comes with no guarantees. This is not to take
the joy or the hope, out of life, but rather to recognize the reality that, to
varying degrees, life will have its challenges and hurdles as well as its pains
and struggles. Spiritual writers, past and present reminds us often that there
is no growth without struggle or sacrifice. So, too the relationship we call
marriage and the set of relationships that form a family will have their
moments of difficulty, challenge, struggle, hurts, pains, misunderstandings and
problems. From all of them we can grow as persons and in our relationships.
A
relationship can only be as strong and as healthy as the individuals within it.
If one of the persons entering the relationship of marriage is “broken”, is
incomplete in some way, brings a significant amount of unfinished work from
childhood or adolescence into the relationship or has major physical, emotional
and psychological problems, the relationship will begin with huge challenges
and problems. If both persons entering the relationship bring major issues, the
problems and hurts into the relationship, the impact on the relationship more
than doubles its problems and challenges because an addition to the two
“handicapped” individuals, the “we” or “us” relationship- the new reality created by marriage- will
present its own challenges and problems.
Before entering marriage, people need to know themselves and to have dealt with
their principal, substantive and predominant problems and issues. Ideally,
people entering marriage will have achieved the developmental goals appropriate
top their age.
Subsequently, relationships in a family can only be as strong, nurturing and life-giving as the individuals in it. Of course, the physical, emotional, social and spiritual health parents have the greatest impact on the strength and vitality of the overall health and well-being of the family.
Building
healthy and nurturing relationships in a family presumes that parents have
achieved the level of maturity and acquired a set of skills for dealing with
one`s problems and challenges. In addition, parents should have made a firm
commitment to working on their relationship as husband and wife as well as ion
their family life, with its unique set of relationships. This requires a
willingness to make a family life a priority and to make the decisions and
sacrifices necessary to keep family life a priority. It is not easy. It is
possible.
The
relation of husband and wife establishes the marriage it`s the primary and
foundational relationship upon which the family is built. The work of marriage
continues even after children are born. In this regard, it is critical that the
husband and wife never forget that this primary relationship will take work and
must be actively and intentionally nourished throughout the relationship. When
a couple forgets, or fails to tend to their marriage at any time in its life,
but especially when children become part of their relationship, they will find
that slowly and almost without notice, they will grow.
If the
husbands and wives do not grow together, share in and contribute to each
other`s growth throughout the relationship, the relationship is doomed. The greatest
gift a mother can give her child is to love the child's father, her husband;
the greatest gift a father can give his child is to love the child's mother,
his wife. Their love created the child, their love provides the soil and
environment in which their child will grow into adulthood.
The birth
of children creates a nuclear family. Children depend on their parents for
care, support, comfort, nurturing, discipline, affection, and love. Parents are
not only the first teachers of their children; they are their child's first
role models of good relationships. Their relationship becomes a paradigm
experienced and observed by their child (children) that will be initiated, adapted
and formative of their child`s views about marriage, about the relationship
between husband and wife, about what it means to be mother or father.
Love is a
decision. Love does not just happen; it takes hard work. Equally, creating a
healthy, nurturing and life-giving family relationship takes hard work. In
fact, husbands and wives, most of whom become mothers and fathers, make love a
reality in their commitment to working on their relationship as husband and
wife and as mothers and fathers. Love takes on fresh in living it.
A healthy
family is one in which each member of the family is valued and respected; one
in which each member of the family feels safe and se cure; one in which each
member of the family is supported, comforted encouraged, guided and challenged
to grow.
A healthy
family provides an environment and resources for each member of the family to
fulfill developmental tasks appropriate to each family member`s age to achieve
an appropriate level of maturity and to reach his or her maximum potential.
By Robert.,NSINGA
By Robert.,NSINGA
