At the hour of our death
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Death
is not only unavoidable but necessary; and how we die is, at least in part,
determined by our choices, if, like me, you are faced by terminal illness, be
thankful that you have not died suddenly. You may have been one of those who,
in the belief that they would be spared suffering, wanted to pass away quickly
and without warning. If, so you have been ignoring the effect that such an
event would have had on your family, the chaos you would have certainly left
behind and the burdensome and expensive work of tidying up that would have been
imposed on others. You have been privileged and it is important that you should
make use of this grace to set your affairs in order.
If
you are, like me, a Christian, you have been given the opportunity to prepare
yourself to meet your creator. Catholics have always prayed to be spared “a
sudden and unprovided death”. Bear in mind that God has some purpose for you.
Take full advantage of the sacraments. Establish a pattern of regular prayer, but
do not give way to over-enthusiasm. It is better to begin modestly and to build
further if you find it desirable.
Be
glad, too, that the warning you have had will allow you to come to terms with
your condition. You must try to be at peace. A good death can provide comfort
to your family, but it needs a contribution from yourself as well as the
assistance of medicine. This is hard advice. It is easier for old men like me
to follow it than for the young, who are bound to feel unfairly treated by
providence. Nevertheless, you must be reconciled to your end as far as is
possible. Avoid anger or regrets. Do not despair. Enjoy the life left to you
and be grateful for it.
This
will prove to be easier than you expected. You will have found already that, in
the moments after you heard the doctors` report, any idea of a future was
driven from your mind. No other option was left to you than to live day by day.
I was astonished to find how quickly l came to terms with this. I should have
lived every moment as though it was my last throughout my life, but l had
pursed my career on the assumption that i would survive almost forever. Now,
with the evaporation of the future, the present moment became so precious that
i wondered why i had left it fly by. My senses were intensified. My curiosity
was sharpened. The beauty of natural objects and the vividness of my
surroundings were enhanced. You will discover yourself embracing this vision,
which is the one we had as children, lost with age and have now recovered. It
is exhilarating and rewarding.
The
annihilation of your future should not prevent you from setting yourself some
short term goals. These can be related to your work, to your interests, or to
the issues that you do not want to leave unsolved on death. Write your memoirs.
Take up painting. You must remain active and involved as long as you can.
Do
not let the acceptance of death become surrender to it. We all dread the
prospect of pain. Modern medicine cannot entirely relive us of it, although my
experience is that it can be made bearable and that, as so often in life, expectations
are worse than reality. Of course there are cases of where death is agonising
or where a neurological disorder gradually deprives a victim of all senses or
where an active man or woman finds the prospect of dependence on others
unbearable. One hears regularly of those for whom life has become so atrocious
that they want to legitimate means to end it. Their despair and compassionate
support of their careers are understandable and moving, but life is a precious
gift from God and as Christians we believe that we have no right to dispose of
it as we please. And whether or not we are attached to a religion, it is
counter-productive for most of us to believe that we should be able to end our
lives at will. There are dangers in manufacturing its closure, however
attractive this may seem to be.
A
feature of the condition in which we find ourselves is that we are often
subjected by well-meaning relations and friends to bizarre advice and quack
remedies. Do not allow yourself tempted by nostrums that never work and make
our reconciliation to our illness harder by presenting us with apparently easy
solutions. It is cruel to offer forlorn hope in this way. It is the best for us
to follow the advice of doctors, whose treatments are at least based on
science.
We
are all drawn to the extraordinary at the expense of the mundane, because,
although some of us abandon faith altogether, many of us at least believe that
there is more life than material existence and in crises turn beyond ourselves.
In the initial stages of my disease it was not my religion that comforted me;
it was the recognition of my condition that heightened my attachment to my
religion. In other words, that yearning for something beyond me found
expression in the strengthening of my faith. In the end, of course, faith and illness
become so intertwined that each becomes part of the other.
Remember
that all your life has been a preparation for an event which is as significant
as your birth and is far more important than any birthday. You are about to
pass on to another plane and into another world. There may still be time to
draw some comfort from memories of your earthly past, provided that you do not
become consumed by unnecessary guilt. What happened? Long a long is over and
done with, although it is good to make peace with anyone you have offended.
Treat
your death as a celebration. Take an interest in it. Plan your funeral as
carefully as you would the wedding of one of your children. Take care to leave
your closest relations with good memories of your ending. Your fortitude will
ensure that they will remember you with pride and affection, and that they will
pray for you. Remember that death is not barrier to prayer.
